In Storytelling, the Devil Is in the Details

The hardest stories to tell are the ones we tell about ourselves. Because it’s almost impossible to be objective — to stand outside ourselves and see what others see.

As a result, we face two contradictory challenges. On one hand, it’s hard to let go of the details — including the non-essential ones. Since these things happened to us, it all feels important.

On the other hand, we often overlook or sail past some of the critical details — the ones that signal major revelations and turning points. Since they’re so familiar to us, we take them for granted and don’t recognize their true weight.

So, when I coach people on their stories, a big part of the work is managing this “yin and yang” — eliminating the inconsequential details while giving necessary breathing room for the truly important ones.

Listen to both sides of stories.

Let’s look at both sides of this coin from the perspective of two storytellers.

I have the privilege of working with leaders at an international nonprofit devoted to improving the lives of people in emerging economies. I coach them on their “origin” stories — how their life’s journey, often through difficult circumstances, shaped their commitment to the cause. The stories may be more dramatic than our own, but they illuminate the importance of getting the details right.

Make the most of moments.

One of our storytellers grew up in poverty in a refugee camp in war-ravaged Rwanda. But through a combination of resourcefulness and intelligence, he managed to get accepted into a competitive seminary school, where he excelled.

At one point in his story, he briefly mentioned in an almost offhanded way the moment at age 18 when he touched a computer for the first time in his life. 

It went by so fast that it didn’t fully register. So, we paused and dug further into the details — how it came about, where it happened and what he was feeling in that moment.

By slowing down and getting specific, we signal to the listener that something significant is happening, resulting in a fuller, richer story.

Eliminate redundancies.

The more common problem storytellers face is getting bogged down in too many details.

Our other storyteller once lived through a civil war and had to flee her home. For several years, she stayed with various friends and relatives and even returned a couple of times during lulls in the conflict.

Every harrowing step in that journey was surely seared into her being, so every detail felt vital to her. But to the listener — especially in a noisy world where the competition for attention is fierce? Those details can be hard to track. 

I tell clients to picture a winding road. Does every single twist and turn need to be traced? Or are there a couple that are representative of the overall journey? How can we condense it?

For instance, I grew up in a military family, so we moved around a lot. To make that point, I don’t list the date and location of every place we were stationed. Instead, I say that for the first eight years of my life we lived in seven different towns in three countries.

Of course, when it’s our own life, and especially a traumatic one rife with emotion, it’s hard to divorce ourselves from the details.

Get feedback.

That’s why it’s important to put ourselves in our audience’s shoes. What do they really need to hear? What will best make our point?

If you have an important story to tell, especially one that’s personal, try to “focus group” it and bounce it off friends or colleagues to get their perspective.

Ask them pointed questions, especially about parts you feel you haven’t quite nailed. What works and what doesn’t? Where is it too much and where is it not enough? What needs clarifying?

That will help ensure that you achieve just the right balance of detail in your story, making it a clearer and more satisfying journey for the listener.